EHCC Trade Rumblings
by Jim Turkees

Is Edwin Diaz on the move? Jim Turkees and the Rumblers™ have all the muck that's fit to rake in the latest edition of EHCC Trade Rumblings!

Welcome to EHCC Trade Rumblings, a new web-offering from the EHSPN conglomerate. We aim to bring you all the latest trade rumors and speculation across the league. Is it true? Is it evil lies fed to us by an EHCC executive with an axe to grind? Who knows? But in the immortal words of Big Ern McCracken – it’s fun though, idn’t it? Here’s the latest…

Deal For Diaz de Los Muertos?

It’s only April, but rebuilding Rio has already kicked off the official trading season, alerting the EHCC that they are already open for business, and that Josh Donaldson, Matt Kemp, Garrett Richards, and Edwin Diaz are primed to be shipped out of town. Our Rumblers™ are hearing that multiple teams have already stepped up to the plate with offers, and Diaz in particular could be packing his things by this weekend.

Reports have surfaced that the All-Star Factory reached out and immediately met the Cristos’ asking price, but were shortly thereafter spurned, as Rio then shopped their offer to other competitors. It’s still early, but could this animosity span the rest of the season? The bet here is that it does. Tell your friends – Rio and Santo Domingo are now bitter rivals who hate each other.

So where will Diaz end up if not SD? We’re hearing that Las Vegas is deep in talks, naturally, as they continue to put into effect their ultimate plan:

Step 1: Get all the Closers

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit!

Reports say that Vegas is also wary to overspend on the volatile asset. Apparently artificially inflating the market for closers has come back to bite them, as Doggs often do.

So where does Diaz end up? Sources say that it’s likely he ends up in either Bridgewater or Rakeville, where the nepotism flows like water, and the beer like wine. The current asking price is a 1^st Rd. MiDP plus other assets. A steep price to pay, but as they say, it only takes one sucker to make a bad trade. Stay tuned.

Asian Persuasion?

Is your WeChat burning? Because the hot stove in Tokyo sure is! While the fallout from last year’s Hanley Ramirez/Lance Lynn debacle continues to reverberate throughout the league, apparently some of the more savvy GMs have decided if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Several EHCC GMs have become part of the more than 17 Billion users* somehow on the world’s most popular messaging service in hopes of fleecing the Omyoujis themselves – and our Rumblers™ say that progress is being made. Despite his hot start, Tim Beckham has apparently fallen out of favor in the far East, and could be available for the right price. We’re also hearing that Tokyo could be persuaded to move on from Brandon Morrow as well, but only for the right combination of over-the-hill veterans and mediocre starters. Any GMs not on WeChat will need to get on quickly, as the interface takes a good 6-8 weeks to understand, and any negotiations with Tokyo have to be approved by the Chinese government. Tough, but fair.

*May be less than 17 billion, we're Rumblers™ not mathematicians.

Goldschmidt Rush

Tijuana captain Paul Goldschmidt’s brutal start to the 2018 season has some executives across the league wondering if Tijuana might consider moving the All-Star slugger. Sources say multiple teams have tried to connect with Tijuana GM Peter Kantor to discuss just such a move, but have thus far been rebuffed. However, if his slump continues and Tijuana doesn’t get off to the hot start that carried them through last year’s regular season, it’s possible he may just reconsider.

Jim Turkees and the Rumblers™ are not just the go-to source for all things EHCC trade related – they’re also the hottest new band on the Austin small club circuit! Check out their tour schedule here! And don’t be put off by the fact that they’re terrible musicians – their live show has tons of energy, whatever the fuck that means.