Minor League Mock Draft

EHCC Minor League Mock Draft

by Skip Paymeless

It’s mid-July, so that means it’s time for the EHCC Minor League Draft! Our minor league expert Chief Lawless is on vacation, so we’ve got the next best thing* to provide you with outstanding minor league draft coverage – Mr. Paymeless himself (pictured above)! Let’s break it down below.

Let’s make this simple everyone – I’m not doing any fancy nerd analysis, like that clown show Chief Lawless. Nope – I’m giving it to you straight – who each team will pick, and who they should have picked, because they’re all a bunch of dummies and I’m the only one who actually knows a thing about scouting. To the picks!

Round 1:

11.  Las Vegas: Thanks to some very shady shenanigans, Las Vegas apparently finds themselves with the #1 overall pick. Will they actually make this pick, or will they be charged with Computer Fraud for hacking the Tokyo database and making them accept an awful trade? That’s the only real drama here.

Will Pick: Vladdy Guerrero Jr.

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

22.  Santo Domingo: The Doggs kicked Santo Domingo in the balls with their dubious trade, but they’ll try to regroup and make their pick count. Will they have the balls to actually do the right thing? Don’t count on it.

Will Pick: Ron Acuna

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

33.  San Fernando Valley: Psssh.

Will Pick: Michael Kopech

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

44. Bridgewater: The Weasels have struck gold recently in the minor league draft. Will they keep the successful youth movement going?

Will Pick: Nick Senzel

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

55. Rio de Janeiro: Rio should be doing everything they can to acquire more picks, as they find themselves embarrassingly out of the playoff picture in the West at press time. Notably, the only team in the West that can claim that. Will they make the pick that could immediately later those fortunes and ride that beautiful left arm all the way to the title? Yeah, right. We all know who they should pick, but they don’t have the…how do you pronounce it in Portugese? Cajones?

Will Pick: Kyle Tucker

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

66. San Fernando Valley: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Will Pick: Whoever they SD GM tells him is good value here. Let’s say, Mitch Keller?

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

77. Las Vegas: How does Tokyo not come away with this pick in that deal? So much for the robot uprising.

Will Pick: Jason Groome

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

88. Rakeville: So wait, is Rakeville good? Are they actually paying attention to the minors again? This is the sort of information I need to make these picks correctly.

Will Pick: Francisco Mejia, not realizing he already drafted him last year.

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

99. San Juan: Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Santo Domingo. (Santo Domingo who?) Santo Domingo who is gonna own this player in a year or two once Santo Domingo trades for them.

Will Pick: Walker Buehler

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

110. Dublin: Hmmm….let’s see. Who was topping prospect lists a year ago, but now sucks…

Will Pick: Lucas Giolito, not realizing he’s been owned for years

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

111.Weymouth: There’s no surefire #1 HOF OF prospect this year, so I guess Weymouth doesn’t get the number one pick. Bummer.

Will Pick: A.J. Puk

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

112. Rakeville: You’d think that Rakeville would have had someone in mind here, since they traded a pretty good player to get it. But my guess is that they have no one in mind, they just knew Paxton was a 2^nd round pick 4 years ago, so it’s all value from here, baby! Will they be the ones to finally make the correct pick?

Will Pick: This Clint Frazier guy I’ve been hearing so much about lately, not realizing he was drafted years ago.

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

Round 2:

113. San Fernando Valley: Boy, they sure have a lot of picks, huh?

Will Pick: Alex Verdugo

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

114. Rio de Janeiro: So Rio traded their pick, so they only had one pick. But then they traded for someone else’s pick, which then became a better pick than their original pick? Genius. Too bad they’ll make the wrong pick, while Jesus himself continues to sit in the green room alone. Crazy.

Will Pick: Willie Calhoun

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

115. Dublin: Are we even sure Dublin is going to show up?

Will Pick: Skipped Pick

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

116. Bridgewater: This pick is part of the Aaron Judge heist from last year’s trade deadline. Good lord, Weymouth, he’s not breathing! You can stop hitting him! For the love of Tebow, please, stop! You won, okay? You won!

Will Pick: Ozzie Albies

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

117. Quebec City: Cette équipe, c'est la meilleure équipe au monde. Les ennemis vont détester, mais que pouvez-vous faire?

Will Pick: Bo Bichette

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

118. Tijuana: With Guerrero and Bichette off the board, Tijuana hopelessly looks for the next closest son of a former ballplayer to draft…and winds up with

Will Pick: Craig Griffey

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

119. San Fernando Valley: Jesus, again? Good lord.

Will Pick: Triston McKenzie

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

220. Bridgewater: I hope Edwin Diaz was worth it, Rio.

Will Pick: MacKenzie Gore

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

221. Rakeville: Number of picks in the 2^nd round (out of 12) not belonging to a Claffey or SFV? 4.

Will Pick: Mike Soroka, but Jack Reed is devastated to learn that it’s not actually former White Sox journeyman Mike Sirotka.

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

222. Bridgewater: Seriously though, Aaron Judge. Who the hell knew? My goodness.

Will Pick: Nick Gordon

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

223. Tokyo: Obviously the robots won’t actually be making this pick. Obviously.

Will Pick: Nobody, although they’ll send in a pick within 48 hours, probably.

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

224. San Fernando Valley: Okay, but this is the last one, right?

Will Pick: Franklin Perez

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

Round 3:

225. Santo Domingo: Between the #2 overall pick and all the selections they’re surely making for their shadow franchise in San Fernando Valley, SD is having a helluva draft.

Will Pick: Who the hell knows, but odds are they’ll be a top 5 prospect this time next year.

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

226. Las Vegas: Seriously though, can we talk about what a crappy trade that was?  How did Vegas get the #1 overall pick and not even given up another minor league pick to get it? Is that crazy? That feels crazy.

Will Pick: ‘Dirty’ Sixto Sanchez

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

227.  Quebec City: Very excited to see who Quebec City will select here and then trade away at the deadline.

Will Pick: Dominic Smith

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

228. San Fernando Valley: Come on, SFV. Do it, and I promise I won’t rag on you in next year’s column. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.” -Ezekiel 25:17

Will Pick: Tim Tebow

Should Pick: Tim Tebow

Hallelujah, he is risen!

*Not even close to the next best thing.

Skip Paymeless is a columnist and podcaster for EHSPN. He’s a religious man through and through, but that doesn’t stop him from drinking whiskey and chasing whores. No, sir. He still knows how to party.