Stephen Eh's Top 5 Hitters and Pitchers so far this season
Well, well, we're through the first quarter of the season and I gotta tell you, it's a great time to be alive. We got the warm weather coming out, Memorial Day and BBQing around the corner, and it's time for the ballers to establish themselves and announce to the rest of the league that they mean business. So I'm gonna break down the top 5 hitters and pitchers in the first quarter of the season.
Let's start with the Hitters.
5. Eric Thames (Rakeville)
Eric Thames is Korean for "Bad Man". This dude has been crushing it all season long. My man is such a surprise this season that the league tests him for steroids multiple times a week! I don't know about you, but I would start charging for that or something, they're probably selling his DNA to Russia to figure out how to clone him or farm him for spare organs.
4. Freddie Freeman (Weymouth)
This boy is on fire. On my block, we call him Freaky Fredro, but we won't get into that now. All I'mma say is he's been swinging his big stick for a while now. Freddie ain't even getting love on his own team. Here's praying that his wrist injury comes back clean and he can continue swinging said big stick.
3. Paul Goldschmidt (Tijuana)
Man, can this boy run. The Tijuana manager insists that he's the fastest man in the league, but what do they know? I know that this man can do it all. He's always at the top of the list and this year is no surprise. He's keeping the Hispanics in the hunt and giving them some credibility, however small.
2. Aaron Judge (Bridgewater)
Leading the Baby Bombers, my man Judge is sentencing the rest of the league to death. The EHCC East better step up their pitching or this man will be crushing home runs off of them for the next 10 years and Judge will lead the resurgence of the once-mighty Weasels.
1. Bryce Harper (Weymouth)
What can I say, Boy Wonder is at it again. Bryce woke up one day in Spring Training and said to himself "I'm done playing with these chumps, it's time to start showing them who the big man is". The dude has led his team to the top of EHCC again this year and has a whopping 42 runs, 13 homeruns, 36 RBI and a .376 average. To steal a line from my man LeBron Raymone James, we are all witnesses.
Top Pitchers
5. Zack Greinke (Rio)
Who....the....hell....would have thought Zack Greinke was capable of having this type of season. I'm telling you, this dude was done a few years ago. The boy had panic attacks all the time and moved to the desert. He must have invested in some medicinal marijuana and boy looks smooth. You hear that Ricky Williams? Maybe this synthetic weed is giving Greinke super powers and killing all the chumps that can't handle it, the home team and they visitors.
4. Dallas Keuchel (San Juan)
Another brother that came out of nowhere this year. Mr. Kewckel, Kikle, however you say it, can pitch. He's throwing slowballs and dude's keep hacking it into the ground. Mr. Yankee killer himself is leading the best team in the league. I don't know if he can keep this up but San Juan needs him to carry the load while Bumgarner is riding dirt bikes and Syndergaard is getting butchered my the pathetic NY Mets medical staff.
3. Max Scherzer (Weymouth)
My man Scherzer is a bull. This kid has been killing it for years and he continues to lead the best team in the EHCC. Enough about talking about Weymouth, they know they're good and I'm praying, just praying, that some team can knock them off they pedestal.
2. Clayton Kershaw (Dublin)
Man....Kershaw is the best pitcher in the league the past few years and he is getting better. Dude has a 0.89 WHIP in 62.2 innings. It's crazy to think he's not even the best pitcher on his staff...
1. Chris Sale (Dublin)
Slinging Chris Sale...what's there to say? My man has thrived in his new setting and is killing it. His arm motion is an injury waiting to happen but let's enjoy his finest season as a pro. 85 strikeouts and a 0.77 WHIP in 58.2 innings pitch, that is ridiculous!!!! This brother is on another planet right now. It's starting to look like all the prospects in the world aren't enough for this guy.
Disclaimer: Stephen Eh Smith appears courtesy of himself, and no one but himself. If you have any problems with my rankings (I'm talking to you, Max Powers), you can keep it to yourself and I'mma see you when I see you and we can settle this like grown men.
Let's start with the Hitters.
5. Eric Thames (Rakeville)
Eric Thames is Korean for "Bad Man". This dude has been crushing it all season long. My man is such a surprise this season that the league tests him for steroids multiple times a week! I don't know about you, but I would start charging for that or something, they're probably selling his DNA to Russia to figure out how to clone him or farm him for spare organs.
4. Freddie Freeman (Weymouth)
This boy is on fire. On my block, we call him Freaky Fredro, but we won't get into that now. All I'mma say is he's been swinging his big stick for a while now. Freddie ain't even getting love on his own team. Here's praying that his wrist injury comes back clean and he can continue swinging said big stick.
3. Paul Goldschmidt (Tijuana)
Man, can this boy run. The Tijuana manager insists that he's the fastest man in the league, but what do they know? I know that this man can do it all. He's always at the top of the list and this year is no surprise. He's keeping the Hispanics in the hunt and giving them some credibility, however small.
2. Aaron Judge (Bridgewater)
Leading the Baby Bombers, my man Judge is sentencing the rest of the league to death. The EHCC East better step up their pitching or this man will be crushing home runs off of them for the next 10 years and Judge will lead the resurgence of the once-mighty Weasels.
1. Bryce Harper (Weymouth)
What can I say, Boy Wonder is at it again. Bryce woke up one day in Spring Training and said to himself "I'm done playing with these chumps, it's time to start showing them who the big man is". The dude has led his team to the top of EHCC again this year and has a whopping 42 runs, 13 homeruns, 36 RBI and a .376 average. To steal a line from my man LeBron Raymone James, we are all witnesses.
Top Pitchers
5. Zack Greinke (Rio)
Who....the....hell....would have thought Zack Greinke was capable of having this type of season. I'm telling you, this dude was done a few years ago. The boy had panic attacks all the time and moved to the desert. He must have invested in some medicinal marijuana and boy looks smooth. You hear that Ricky Williams? Maybe this synthetic weed is giving Greinke super powers and killing all the chumps that can't handle it, the home team and they visitors.
4. Dallas Keuchel (San Juan)
Another brother that came out of nowhere this year. Mr. Kewckel, Kikle, however you say it, can pitch. He's throwing slowballs and dude's keep hacking it into the ground. Mr. Yankee killer himself is leading the best team in the league. I don't know if he can keep this up but San Juan needs him to carry the load while Bumgarner is riding dirt bikes and Syndergaard is getting butchered my the pathetic NY Mets medical staff.
3. Max Scherzer (Weymouth)
My man Scherzer is a bull. This kid has been killing it for years and he continues to lead the best team in the EHCC. Enough about talking about Weymouth, they know they're good and I'm praying, just praying, that some team can knock them off they pedestal.
2. Clayton Kershaw (Dublin)
Man....Kershaw is the best pitcher in the league the past few years and he is getting better. Dude has a 0.89 WHIP in 62.2 innings. It's crazy to think he's not even the best pitcher on his staff...
1. Chris Sale (Dublin)
Slinging Chris Sale...what's there to say? My man has thrived in his new setting and is killing it. His arm motion is an injury waiting to happen but let's enjoy his finest season as a pro. 85 strikeouts and a 0.77 WHIP in 58.2 innings pitch, that is ridiculous!!!! This brother is on another planet right now. It's starting to look like all the prospects in the world aren't enough for this guy.
Disclaimer: Stephen Eh Smith appears courtesy of himself, and no one but himself. If you have any problems with my rankings (I'm talking to you, Max Powers), you can keep it to yourself and I'mma see you when I see you and we can settle this like grown men.
Labels: Stephen Eh Smith
posted by Unknown at 9:37 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home