2015 Major League Draft Review

The 2015 EHCC draft is officially in the books, as teams have officially geared up for the EHCC’s 15th year of hot, sweaty, fantasy action. Which teams came out of the draft ready to make a playoff run and which ones are waiting til next year already? Find out as Aviator McShadeless sorts out the winners and losers of this year’s draft.

  Bridgewater Weasels– Picks: 
• Brian McCann 
• Koji Uehara 
• Santiago Casilla 
• Alexei Ramirez 
• Chris Owings 

Pretty good draft right? Bridgewater came away with some really solid players. Hard to ask for more than that, right? WRONG! Complete, abject failure on behalf of Bridgewater. Take a guess what the average age for those players is. Would you believe 32? As in the average age of the draft picks for the worst team in the league for 3 years running is 32 years old, and that’s with 23 year old Chris Owings bringing it down! Cut him out, and the average age for those other guys is nearly 35! Brian McCann, who has been around forever and was actually cut by the 2nd worst team in the league (Tokyo) is actually the 2nd youngest person in that group, at age 31! Congratulations in advance to Bridgewater on securing the number 1 pick in the 2016 draft. Hopefully they do more with it next year. Grade: F 

Tokyo Omyoujis – Picks: 
 • Brandon Belt 
• A.J. Pollock 
• Steven Souza 
• Alex Gordon 

The Tokyo Omyoujis 2015 season: A dramatic tale of terrible players fighting against the tyrannical rule of a turncoat owner, these underdogs will give everything they have to ensure they don’t have to wear a Pink A-Rod jersey to Uno’s next year. Starring the mediocre Brandon Belt as the draft pick savior, Steven Souza as ‘The Kid,’ Alex Gordon as you’ve never seen him before (actually contributing to an EHCC roster), and, in the role of a lifetime, Tim Fedorowicz gives a stirring performance as “Joey Gallo”. Grade: F 

Weymouth Shaddypoo– Picks: 
• Trevor Rosenthal 
• Mike Fiers 
• Eddie Butler 
• Howie Kendrick 
• Edinson Volquez 
• Dillon Gee 
• Nick Martinez 
• Marcus Semien 
• Bruce Rondon 
• Drew Stubbs 
• Luke Hochevar 

After spending the first round sniffing Quebec City’s jock and trying to acquire as many failed Piglets as he could, Weymouth GM Yukon Cornelius struck silver and gold in the later rounds. Just kidding, that was just a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer joke. His draft actually sucked the whole way through! But at least what he lacked in quality he made up for in quantity. A whopping 11 picks. Way to go, Cornelius! Grade: F 

San Juan Guerites– Picks:
• Yasmany Tomas 
• Raisel Iglesias 
• Rougned Odor 
• Brett Cecil 
• Kennys Vargas 
• Arismendy Alcantara 
• Miguel Gonzalez 

I have only one rule when it comes to drafting: Anytime you can spend two high draft picks on guys that will probably not even be eligible to make your roster, you do it. Well played, San Juan. Grade: F 

Dublin Snake Chasers – Picks: 
• Charlie Blackmon 
• Hector Rondon 
• Wade Davis 
• Luke Gregerson
• Brad Miller 
• Trevor Cahill 
• Kevin Quackenbush 
• Evan Marshall 
• Joe Wieland 
• Jordan Walden 

After famously going without any closers for years and years, Dublin suddenly reversed course this year and drafted a whopping 6 relief pitchers! Since he’s obviously new to this whole RP thing, I’m going to go ahead and give him some advice, so maybe next year he can finally nail it: Dublin, you want the relief pitchers who get SAVES. Saves are the key to relief pitchers in the EHCC. Saves. Grade: F 

Augusta Albatross – Picks: 
• Danny Santana 
• Kyle Lohse 
• Martin Prado 

Yeah, you got 3 players. Who needs to fill out a roster? Grade: Pass 

Rakeville Rockets – Picks: 
• Jung-Ho Kang 
• Francisco Rodriguez 
• Alex Rodriguez 
• Brett Lawrie 
• Jhonny Peralta 
• Joe Mauer 
• Bartolo Colon 
• Jake Peavy 
• Jesse Chavez 
• Chad Qualls 
• Odrisamer Despaigne 

Holy shit, what year does Jack Reed think it is? Did someone give him a Gray’s Sports Almanac from 2006 and tell him it was from this year? Good god. Grade: F 

Rio de Janeiro Cristos – Picks: 
• Jesse Hahn 
• Shane Greene 
• Dalton Pompey 
• Nathan Karns 
• Kendall Graveman 
• Jonathan Schoop

I have it on good authority that most of these players suck, but I’ve never actually heard of any of them, so I’ll have to take my sources word for it. Grade: F

Las Vegas Doggs – Picks:

·       •  Tyler Clippard

·      •BROCK HOLT!

·      • Edward Mujica

·      • Ellis Burks

·      •Austin Jackson

·      •Kris Medlen

·      •Joe Smith

Nice draft! *fart noise*. Grade: F

Tijuana Hispanics – Picks:

·      • Neftali Feliz

·       •A.J. Burnett

·       •Andrew DeScalfini

·       •Pedro Alvarez

·       •Russell Martin

This was actually a pretty good draft, once Peter Kantor stopped drafting players who were ineligible/already drafted, then getting super pissy about it. Considering Tijuana didn’t have any picks in the first and fourth round, they actually came away with great value at every spot. Feliz was the best closer available at the time, and could be a stand-out for the Hispanics for years to come. Burnett and Alvarez are solid players and great value at their draft positions, and Russell Martin is a legit steal in Round 7 (I think other teams must have forgot he was available. It’s the only possible explanation). And DeScalfini could be a breakout player. Great draft for Tijuana. Grade: F

Quebec City Piglets – Picks: 
• Carlos Martinez 
• Scott Kazmir 
• Jenrry Mejia 
• Joakim Soria 
• A.J. Griffin 
• C.J. Cron 
• Brandon Morrow 
• Carlos Rodon 
• Lucas Duda 
• Tim Lincecum 
• Jaime Garcia 
• Justin Masterson 

Pat Renaud knows that the roster limit is still 25 right? Okay, just checking. Grade: F 

Santo Domingo All-Star Factory – Picks:  
•Jason Hammel
•Andrew Miller
• John Lackey
• Jedd Gyorko
• C.C. Sabathia
• Vance Worley
• Pat Neshek
 • Hector Olivera
• Will Middlebrooks

I don’t have much to say about these picks, so instead I’ll just post this picture of Santo Domingo’s GM and draft pick Jedd Gyorko:

Grade: F

Good luck this season to every team!

Aviator McShadeless is a staff writer on the EHCC beat for Baseball Tri-Weekly Magazine. He is a bitter old man who hates ice cream sundaes and puppies, but finds the alt-rock band Nickelback, “just delightful.”