Baseball Tri-Weekly: ATB Week 4

Arlington's Howie Kendrick has had a recent setback, but he and fellow middle infielder B.J. Upton have done good things this season now that they have finally gotten a chance to play. Find out how the pieces came together to put the Warriors at the top of the standings.

Around the Bases: Week 4
By Listen DePlayohs, Baseball Tri-Weekly

We all know why Bridgewater is winning, powered by a resurgent Alex Rodriguez, and Rakeville has pitched their way to a top spot. But what about the team sitting second in the EHCC standings.

The Arlington Warriors have been the early surprise of 2007, and it can’t just be written off because of their seemingly cupcake schedule. The Warriors opened with the defending champs, leading the game going into the final day. They then went on blow out, not just win, games against Santo Domingo and Tijuana. Blowouts are the mark of teams who aren’t just good, but serious playoff contenders.

In a span of three months, the Warriors have put together a young productive team, with veteran talent sprinkled in to create a viable EHCC franchise. They are giving playing time to players who are immensely talented, but suffered in poor systems or behind mediocre veterans. Guys like BJ Upton, Curtis Granderson and Howie Kendrick aren’t just fill in players anymore. Arlington has given them a stage and they are producing.

A trading genius?
In January, days after gaining acceptance to the league, Arlington’s GM Matt Skinner made a trade that may be considered one of the best in league history if you discount the some of the sketchy dealings made by Las Vegas in years past. Desperate for pitching, Tokyo spared no expense in acquiring C.C. Sabathia and Brandon Webb, giving up Alex Gordon, Howie Kendrick, John Danks and Curtis Grandson. The deal also included draft picks, which turned into Adam Lind and helped the team get superstar Matt Holliday a few weeks later. And to cap it off, they also have the first overall pick in this year’s minor league draft.

Essentially, Arlington may have gotten future 4 all-stars and three above average players for an ace and an above average hurler.

Their trading successes didn’t end there. The Matt Holliday deal was an expensive one, but not nearly as costly as it could have been to get one of the best outfielders in baseball. They also picked up Miguel Montero and Johnny Peralta. The book is still out on those two, but overall, Arlington’s moves have put them in the driver’s seat.

A franchise pitcher
"I offered him everything under the sun," said Las Vegas General Manager Howe Dogg. "He just wouldn’t budge. I’ve have never had such a tough time getting what I want."

Daisuke Matsusaka was the most coveted player in the 2007 general draft. At least three teams made a serious effort to trade into the top spot, and many more looked on with curiosity. Despite names like Francisco Rodriguez and Vernon Wells being thrown at Skinner, he stood firm.

"Unless the deal involves a young pitcher better than Matsusaka, then I don’t want to hear it," he said, holding true to his word.

With the first pick as expected, Matsusaka donned an Arlington cap, and a legend was born. In spring training alone, the Warrior ace killed a man, made another crazy and proved that he could anchor a young, talented pitching staff.

"There isn’t a pitcher in the league that has as much pressure on him as Matsusaka," said J.C. Stapleton, EhSPN radio. "When he does well, the whole Arlington staff feeds off of him. If he starts to struggle, then I really think the wheels will come off."

He added, Zach Grienke, Adam Wainwright, Tom Grozelanny and James Shields have a chance to be aces, but they are not there yet. Matsusaka has taken all the weight on his shoulders, allowing them to develop at their pace.

It is why he is so admired by fans, and so valuable to management. He is going to be one of the greats.

A delicate balance
Playing next to Curtis Granderson is Maglio Ordonez. Next to Chris Ray, Brian Fuentes. A 42-year-old Barry Bonds swaps time at DH with 26-year-old Mike Jacobs.

EHCC expansion teams have taken many different routes. Tokyo went young, Golden went old. Winston-Salem went for speed, Tijuana power. There has been no clear path to success. Perhaps Arlington has had better luck than most, but the combination of overlooked youth and a strategic veteran presence has spelt success.

Arlington has three legitimate closers, not hard throwing setup men looking for jobs. Their starting pitchers are young, but productive. While not as deep as most teams, the talent and potential can make an impact this year. Their seven outfielders are far too many, but only Felix Pie isn’t an option to spot start right now.

A look at their team shows no real holes. Sure, they would like Montero to hit for a better average and Peralta to show more power. Wainwright isn’t pitching as expected and Joakim Soria isn’t getting the save opportunities they would like. But the question, are the Warriors struggles any less than the other teams in the EHCC? If the answer is no, then they are going to be in the playoffs this year.

Breaking down the Warriors
The Core: Matt Holliday, B.J. Upton, Howie Kendrick
The Dealers: Daisuke Matsusaka, Aaron Harang, Chris Ray
The Wildcard: Zach Grienke
The Future: Adam Wainright

What about this week’s matchups?

Arlington at Bridgewater
As hot as Arlington is Bridgewater is hotter. The Weasels entire infield is lighting up the league, with a combined 27 homeruns in three weeks. Marcus Giles and Jimmy Rollins doing the dirty work while Alex Rodriguez gets all the glory. This tidal wave of offense will be tough to stop, especially when you consider Derrick Lee and Ryan Howard have really struggled early on.

Pitching is a different story, and an area where Arlington can grab a few categories. The Weasels have a ton of depth, but no standout aces who could help take over a few categories. If Haarang, a two-start pitcher this week, can deliver a low whip, high strikeout performance, then the Warriors could really do damage. Saves is also up for grabs.

Bridgewater is hard to bet against. Arlington needs to capitalize on the categories they can win, using their versatile outfield corps to outmanage the Weasels if they want to remain at the top of the league.

Tokyo at Santo Domingo
The Omyoujis record breaking continues by burying Quebec City’s RBI total. The previous mark, set at 53 against the Plymouth Bells, was eclipsed last week in Tijuana when Tokyo sluggers hit 56 in a 5-5 tie. Outfielder Carlos Guillen had 10 while Jeff Francour and Michael Cuddyer had 8 in the game.

One has to wonder what records Tokyo will break this week as they head to Santo Domingo with a .500 record. They rank in the middle of the pack in almost every category, but have the explosive ability to jump out at teams when they least expect it.

Santo Domingo has been under the radar this season, and a lot has to do with being at the bottom of the standings. Don’t underestimate the White Devils pitching staff though. They have five pitchers with two or more wins, and six with sub-3.00 eras. Going up against a struggling Tokyo staff could really help showcase the fine rotation they have put together, hopefully leading to some wins.

Tijuana at Las Vegas
Just when you thought they were done, Las Vegas re-establishes their dominance in a stirring 8-1 victory over Winston-Salem. They have really lucked out compared to the other playoff teams struggling early on, having a much easier schedule through the first few weeks. Had they played Rakeville or Bridgewater instead of Arlington and Tokyo, then Las Vegas could have been a lot lower in the standings. Instead, they are in fourth only four games out of first with their offense clicking again.

Tijuana can’t match the Doggs pound for pound offensively, and rely needs on their speed and run scoring ability. With the pitching staffs a wash, the battle this week will be won on the basepaths. With Freel, Tavares and Lugo facing off against Ichiro, Reyes and Weeks, expect an exciting game fore fans, and a long one for Jojjima and Lo Duca.

Transactions

Quebec City will get a boost for their matchhup against Rakeville with Hideki Matsui returning to the lineup. Reliever Henry Owens was cut to make room for the outfielder.

Tokyo added David Aardsma. The reliever has pitched well, but is considered the third option for a true closing job.

Weymouth, a big fan of super utility players, picked up Rich Aurillia. He is able to play every infield position, a valuable commodity since Chone Figgins got hurt.

League Notes

-- Three golf balls were found on the field at Drunken Nest Stadium in Golden. Reports indicate the team invited Justin Timberlake to entertain at a corporate function, but the hip hop singer said he would rather be a pro golfer. Timberlake later disappeared and was believed to be driving balls from the top of the center field scoreboard.

-- To promote the upcoming minor league draft, EHCC officials have made a parody of Saturday Night Live’s Dear Sister. Instead of gun shots, the song "Hide and Seek" by Imogen plays over clips of Mark Prior getting injured. The commercial ends with the motto, "Scouting Matters."

-- A police scanner was installed in the visitors bullpen of The Concrete Jungle in Bridgewater, to alert players that their car is being towed.

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Japan Times: A Tale of Two Cities

The perfect pour? After helping his team defeat the Las Vegas in Week 2, a performance which earned him EHCC Player of the Week honors, Tokyo left-hander C.C. Sabathia helped upset Doggs fans quench their thirsts. The Omyoujis victory broke two league-wide streaks, as well as the spirits of the defending champions.



By Athrun Zala, Japan Times


"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."

Coming into week two of the EHCC season the teams with the two longest streaks in EHCC history met in Las Vegas. The Las Vegas Doggs entered the week hoping to break their tie with the Quebec City Piglets for the longest winning streak in EHCC history. The Tokyo Omyoujis came into the week attempting to win a series, something they haven't done in the regular season since 2005. With some EHCC pundits calling the game "a lock" for the Doggs the Omyoujis had all the amunition they needed to play the "no respect" card.

"We get no respect," said captain Dontrelle Willis. "Just because teams walked all over us for the past two years doesn't mean it will stay that way forever. General Manager Ishtar picked up some great talent in the offseason that should help us compete with teams in 2007."

So the Omyoujis entered the week with no respect and exited the week with a big 7-3 series win over the Doggs. How did this happen? A big week from the new additions to the Omyoujis and a choke job of epic proportions from Doggs' star closer Mariano Rivera. Rivera's uncommon line of 0 saves and 10.13 ERA lead to the direct loss of two categories for the Doggs in the final days of the series. Asked about his performance in the series Rivera responded "I'm so sick of these ****ing Reese's Pieces, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar." Four of the Omyoujis offseason additions figured prominently in the win over the Doggs this week. Alexis Rios and Michael Cuddyer put in excellent performances to drive the Omyoujis' offense while
C.C. Sabathia and Joe Borowski (2 wins, 20K's, 4 saves combined) powered the pitching staff.

Asked about his return to Las Vegas, offseason acquisition Alexis Rios said "It's nice to be back in Las Vegas, I thought I had finally found a home last season. That Las Vegas team looks like it's getting complacent after winning the championship for the second time in three years." Rios continued, "I'm glad to be back with the Omyoujis now, I can see that this team has a fire to win that the Doggs look like they've lost."

C.C. Sabathia, no stranger to losing for the past two years as a member of the Bizton Markies, sees great success in the Omyoujis' future. "I've yet to be on a playoff team in the EHCC but winning this last game against the Doggs felt good and puts us right back in the playoff picture. If we can continue this winning streak I might actually stop eatting so much and put off my career as a sumo wrestler a few more years."

After this week's games the Omyoujis now sit in 4th place in the Western division and 7th place overall, the highest place they have been at any time since entering the league. Las Vegas sits 4th in the Eastern division and 8th overall, a particularly low place for a defending champion. Does this early season series symbolize the start of a "season of Light" for the Omyoujis and a "season of Darkness" for the Doggs or was it just a bump in the road to another Doggs championship? Only time will tell.

Week three sees the Las Vegas Doggs visiting the 1st place Green Monsters while the Tokyo Omyoujis visit the 11th place Hispanics.

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Rakeville Times: A Man and a Mentor

Hitting the ball like he used to hit the mirror, Josh Hamilton hasn't had a chance to play much for Rakeville, but he is not discouraged thanks to a player who took a similar path to EHCC stardom. Well, without the cocaine, hookers and tribal tattoos.

A Man and a Mentor
By Aviator McShadeless, Rakeville Times

Chase Utley knows exactly what Josh Hamilton is going through. Drafted in the second round of the 2005 draft, Utley was only a platoon player before coming to Rakeville.

“I was checking the lineup everyday,” said Utley. “I had no clue whether I would be playing or not. All I knew was that if I did get in the game, I had to do everything possible to make a mark.”

A mark is an understatement. Utley eventually won the job outright by mid-season, and has been considered the best second baseman in the EHCC ever since.

“You could see the talent in every at bat,” said Jack Reed. “It was really astounding. It first we thought it was just a hot start, but he kept on hitting. Despite his inconsistent playing time, we kept him in our starting lineup because he was still better than anyone else we could get while only playing half the games.”

Now, Josh Hamilton is hoping to secure a starting job, and like Utley, he has done everything he can to make an impact. In the first two weeks, Hamilton has hit .278 with three homeruns. As his playing time increases, so does his average. Stolen bases are the only thing that’s missing.

With Andruw Jones, Vernon Wells and EHCC rookie of the year candidate Delmon Young in the outfield, the Rockets will let Hamilton develop as a utility player.

“We are lucky,” said Reed. “With Utley, we needed him in our lineup, but Hamilton doesn’t have that pressure on him. I’m sure at some point this season we’ll realize he is too good to keep on the bench, and we will find a spot for him.”

In other news, Rich Hill has lived up to his draft pick. In two starts, the left-hander has two wins with a 0.64 ERA. He leads a Rockets pitching that is first in every category except saves, where Rakeville closers place second to Peoria.

In the Peoria game, almost every Rakeville starter blasted at least two homeruns. Missing from the offensive explosion was catcher Joe Mauer and first baseman David Ortiz, who only had one. “I have been a bit of a sissy,” said Ortiz.

The surprising release of Kei Igawa, has yet to be explained by the Rakeville front office, but Igawa was more telling. “They said I was good, but they don’t like Japanese people. They are very racist,” he said, despite the Rockets signing fellow islander Kaz Matsui to replace him.

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Baseball Tri-Weekly: ATB Week 2

While the rest of the offense sputtered, Jose Reyes continued to be the Doggs catalyst. He scored eight runs and belted in a surprising 7 RBI, leading his team in both categories. The only category he didn't excel in was crotch grabs.

Around the Bases: Week 2
by Listen DePlayohs, Baseball Tri-Weekly

The first week provided some last minute drama often found later in the season, when teams have more on the line and clutch performances have higher profiles. Teams who know how to win often do, and the EHCCs opening matchups showed us once again why champions are champions.

The Las Vegas Doggs were on the ropes against an expansion team, losing to the Arlington Warriors going into the final day. Besides bragging rights, and a valuable division win, the Doggs were looking to extend a 15-game winning streak and tie a record set by the Quebec City Piglets in 2003.

"It is something we didn’t want to talk about in the clubhouse," said Curt Shilling, whose Sunday performance helped lift the Doggs past Arlington. "We all knew what was at stake, and we all knew it would be a shame if we couldn’t win."

Homeruns by Albert Pujols and Jason Bay gave them edge on offense and the Dogg’s four Sunday starters struck out 19 Warriors and notched 3 wins. The Doggs hurlers held Arlington batters to a .125 batting average.

"It was a victory to be proud of," said General Manager Howe Dogg. "Our guys may not be playing at the highest level yet, but they know how to turn it on when it counts."

Ironically, the Doggs will look to break the unbeaten streak record against a team who has a noteworthy record of their own. Tokyo is carrying a three-year, 26-game winless streak into their week 2 matchup against Las Vegas. What the Omyoujis wouldn’t give to cut off both streaks.

"Losing is something this team has dealt with for a long time," said reliever Joel Zumaya. "We will shake it off our backs this season, and I am excited to be a part of it. We are going to make teams hurt."

Golden at Bridgewater
Both teams looked brilliant in their first games of the season, but not all your games can be played against patsies. Golden has been strong, but a batch of injuries are slowing them down more and more everyday. Outfielder Johnny Damon is recovering from a strained calf, while pitcher Mike Schmidt pulled a hamstring. Both injuries hurt, but with Schmidt expected to make two starts this week, his gimp has left the Golden staff in bad shape.

Billed as oldest team in the EHCC, Bridgewater has done a reasonable job at getting younger and when compared to Golden’s aging pitchers, the Weasels are deep and vibrant. They should have little trouble taking wins, strikeouts and saves this week. Offensively, it is really anyone’s guess this early in the season. Both have strong lineups from top to bottom. Golden has a few one-dimensional hitters, like Juan Pierre, Jason Giambi and Adam Dunn who could cause some problems against Bridgewater’s more well-rounded team.

I expect Bridgewater to take this one, but I’m not ruling out a Golden
upset.

Santo Domingo at Quebec City
A good game last week translated into a win for the Piglets, and though a handful of players struggled, it was enough to take down the Hispanics. For the White Devils, nothing went right. Dominican hitters couldn’t muster a single homerun off of Golden pitchers, and outside of Noah Lowry, their pitching was brutal.

You can’t expect a team to come together over night, and in the face of the West’s best club, I don’t expect it to happen this week. The Piglets only hindrance is that Elijah Dukes is starting in the outfield, and has gotten substantial playing time since Hideki Matsui’s injury. It shouldn’t hurt this week, but expect a replacement or recovery before next week’s game.

Tokyo at Las Vegas
Like I said before, this is one game to watch this week. Las Vegas, with something on the line, is a lock. Especially at home. Even with that bold pronouncement, it still should be an excellent game and the coverage will be top notch. EhSPN will broadcast the game in HD, EhSPN will have every odd camera angle you can imagine, and EhSPN.com will stream EHCC Gameday statistical coverage.

Transactions
Golden cut reliever Mike Stanton, the last player in their bullpen, and have ultimately decided to punt saves.

Quebec City has freed themselves from Gil Meche’s unwieldy contract after the right-hander gave up six runs against the Hispanics. The Piglets have added three relievers, Salomon Torres, David Weathers and Henry Owens since the draft. If one or two end up as closers, the Piglets could make a move to re-establish their bullpen later in the season.

Coco Crisp is no longer a Warrior, cut in favor of Mike Jacobs. The
outfielder shouldn’t be out of work long, unless he continues to suck.

League notes
Several Bridgewater fans were arrested after the Weasels victory last week, cited for public endangerment. According to police, Henry Valdez and friends released several live weasels into the Stoneham Bird Sanctuary’s cardinal pen, where the animals devoured all of the red avian.

Golden DH Jim Thome lost five pounds during their game in Santo Domingo. "The heat just got to him," said a Golden team trainer, but later reports indicated it was a shark that got him, biting five pounds of flesh off his leg. The latter report is still unconfirmed.

To celebrate the team’s opening day, Tijuana groundskeepers painted a giant T in the middle of the outfield, killing all the grass. Now, team officials are scrambling to find enough green paint to cover the dirt.

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Rakeville Times: Rockets lose 5-3

Roy Oswalt led the Rockets with a 1.08 ERA in two starts last week against Weymouth, but the Rakeville ace's effort wasn't enough to lift his team past the island hippies.

Rockets lose 5-3, but O’leary finds no faults.
By Hernandez Firstname, Rakeville Times

Troy O’Leary looked solemn after the game, slipping through the clubhouse like a man who found out his father died. At a later press conference, he would take all the blame, but if you could have seen him in the minutes after a tough loss to Weymouth, the words would not have been necessary.

“I can’t find any fault with the way we pitched this week,” said O’Leary. “We had an exceptional week. They just had the home field advantage. Three or four of their top guys pitched again at the end of that game, and we couldn’t do anything about it. Felix was ready, but he never got the chance.”

Rakeville had a 4-0-1 lead heading into the weekend, only to have the game slip away when Johan Santana and company stepped up and pitch their way into a 2-1-2 pitching victory.

“We hit Santana hard in his first start,” said O’Leary, “but you can’t give a guy like him a second chance. You aren’t going to get two bad starts in a row from him, or Zambrano. It is the same way with our pitchers, but we just weren’t able to use them. I should have gone to Jack Reed and told him we needed more pitching for the weekend. It has always been Rockets policy not to churn, but this game was a perfect example of when an extra start or two would have made a huge difference.”

Weymouth joins Las Vegas on the top of the East, with both pulling out last minute wins over their opponents. Bridgewater is also tied for first, but their win was a blow-out of Peoria.

“It is a step in the wrong direction,” said Rockets first baseman David Ortiz, who belted two homeruns in the final day to secure the category. “We are lucky we get to face another East team this week so hopefully we can make up for the loss.”

After an impressive 12 strikeout, shutout performance earlier in the week, Felix Hernandez is expected to start again Tuesday. “I tried like hell to get back in that game. If I had gotten a shot, it would have been different. There is nothing worse than sitting there, unable to help your team when they need you.”

The Rockets did get an impressive two-start performance from Roy Oswalt, and single game studs Josh Beckett, Javier Vazquez and first round pick Rich Hill. Miguel Cabrera was the catalyst on offense, batting .500 for the week.

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Baseball Tri-Weekly: April Cover

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Baseball Tri-Weekly: ATB Week 1

When Tokyo officials told Dontrelle Willis that the team was going to make a run at the title this season, he laughed it off. Two months later, the Omyoujis have kept true to there word and surrounded the japanese ace with a solid team. Will he come out dealing against Winston-Salem, and finally lead Tokyo to victory?




Around the Bases: Week 1
By Listen DePlayohs, Baseball Tri-Weekly

With games underway, we are treated to a slew of division matchups, some with some serious implications. Going into the season, there are at least four teams in each division with a chance to take home the title. And, with teams like Tokyo and Arlington making serious bids this season, 2007 could be the most competitive in EHCC history.

Rakeville at Weymouth
A marquee matchup in the East to kick off the season, as both teams are tops in the EHCC, and both are looking to rebound from mediocre division performances last season.

Rakeville’s offense is just as strong as it was last year. David Ortiz and Miguel Cabrera are tough outs in April, but the Rockets lack of depth can really hurt them during the awkward scheduling of opening week. Shaddupu, on the other hand, have a bench four players strong and Weymouth staples Manny Ramirez and Carlos Delgado have always played Rakeville tough. If guys like Corey Hart and Chris Duffy can get a handful of runs and stolen bases early in the week, Shaddupu should have a big advantage.

On the pitching side, Rakeville seems to have the edge. With J.J. Putz still suffering from soreness in his throwing arm, the Rockets have a 2-1 advantage in the bullpen, and a better core of starters. Though Weymouth may have four hurlers having two start weeks, the results from Monday were very poor.

Rakeville’s pitching staff should take at least 4 categories, so Weymouth’s offense will need a sweep to salvage a win.

Tijuana at Quebec City
Jeremy Hermida is on the disabled list, listed a crazy, so the homecoming of this former Piglet fan favorite has been tempered. Tijuana is looking to further douse the spirits of the Quebec City fans, and kill hopes that the Piglets will return to glory. Historically strong in the first half of the season, the Hispanics may not be eyeing an EHCC title this season, but a Western Division title is within reach if they can beat the Piglets this week.

The Piglet hitters are strong from top to bottom, though an outfield dominated bench could put them at a disadvantage this week against the Hispanics excellent versatility. Pitching-wise, Tijuana is no match for Quebec City’s rotation. Though the Piglets are punting saves, expect them to still give the Hispanics a run for their money.

On paper, the Piglets dominate, but the Hispanics have a myriad of players who could carry them to victory.

Tokyo at Winston-Salem
The Omyoujis couldn’t ask for a better first game. The Green Monsters are a superbly average team, thus a perfect barometer for a team looking to achieve respectability this season. Winston-Salem is a beatable team, but they will not beat themselves. It is incumbent upon Team Tokyo to find a win this week, whether it is 5-4 or 8-2.

Then again, Winston-Salem is looking to break out of the stereotype, and they plan using their young, dynamic team to break out of the EHCC’s waistline. Even with several players injured or inactive, they have budding superstars at every position and a pitching staff that could rank mid-stream when healthy. Could 2007 be the season the WS master plan comes to fruition?

Tokyo is fielding its best team ever, but they still seem a bit underdeveloped compared to the Monsters. Starting pitching will be the focal point of this matchup, as I see the offense going almost completely to Winston-Salem.

Transaction Wire
Golden illegally acquired pitcher Mike Pelfrey, but when the Rakeville prospect wouldn’t report, they hired someone to steal his dog. Ellis Burks is still searching for the beagle.

Quebec City grabbed Gil Meche after an impressive performance in a lesser league. Reports indicate the Piglets gave him a $55 million contract, despite only being required to sign him to a modest $50,000 deal.

The Green Monsters signed Shawn Hill and Kip Wells to re-staff their injury-plagued rotation. Kenny Rogers, Tim Stauffer, Fransico Lirano and Cliff Lee are all inactive this week.

League Notes
-- Howie Kendrick, Arlington’s starting second baseman, apparently left his favorite glove at the Warriors spring training facilities. Outfielder Adam Lind offered his glove until Kendrick’s could be shipped north, but Howie refused, saying Lind hands were too slimey.

-- Peoria players were evacuated from the clubhouse after smoke billowed into the locker room prior to batting practice. Team officials traced the smoke to a giant robot Chris Shelton, which was built to promote the team last season but was placed in storage when Shelton moved on.

-- After his demotion to the minor leagues, Mark Prior decided he would only eat hot dogs from the stadium’s concession stand. Surprisingly, he has lost two pounds over the last week. Scientists have been called in to analyze the hot dogs.

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